Roundabouts

Driving on my way to school I have a couple of reminders about life every morning and they seem to be very popular in central Ohio…..roundabouts. Just look at this sign….nothing can go wrong here. These things are so much fun that a co-worker of mine has been known to eat his lunch at a picnic table overlooking a roundabout just so he can people watch. Clearly it’s a blast because he invites people to join in on the fun.

Some mornings my daughter gets in on the action as I drive her to school. It’s a constant decision to stay on the main road or duck into the back roads to bypass the roundabouts. But how often is life like trying to maneuver the roundabouts? Take my daughter for example. It’s been a rough year for her. We seemingly unbeknownst to us bought a house that has been plagued with sickness this year. She missed more school this year than ever before. She had tough time adjusting to a new school….a new school district...and just plain dealing with the move as a tween. For the first time this year she was caught cheating. Taking the back road to avoid a consequence. Now let me explain. She is not a bad kid. Actually, I wish I could be more like her at times with a smile and heart of gold. She forgot to get my signature for a practice sheet for one of her classes. Which I am not a fan of signing forms that enforce kids have to do stuff at home. It’s like the reading logs from the elementary school days. While I understand their purpose we all know they are typically forged in that last moment as the kid goes rushing out the door. I personally feel they don’t really make an impact except to serve as a grade holder and unnecessary item of stress. Not really the best accountability tool. So….here my daughter is forgetting to get a signature and not wanting to face punishment she simply (digitally) copies my signature on her iPad and  transposes it onto the due log sheet. The teacher had no idea she even did it. But...guilt set in. My daughter felt bad about what she had done and reported it to her teacher. A lunch detention was served. The first!

That day after school with tears in her eyes she tells me about what happened. I was not upset about the grade or the detention. As I told her I was more upset about her character decision. Not wanting to make a big deal I just couldn’t let it go. Why did she place grades over character? Why not just take the hit and let the consequences be? In her own words she did not want to get a bad grade. First, we never stress the overall importance of grades as much as we stress doing our best and stretching ourselves. Doing the uncommon to get uncommon results because everyone can be average. Why is there this fear? Was it teacher induced stress? Yes...I am guilty of telling students to get good grades well, at least I did. Now, I simply look for their best knowing that students operate at different levels. In the end she simply said that it was self induced. She didn’t like to get bad grades. Then just last night she was crying in the kitchen because she believes she is going to get a bad grade in Math. She thinks she is getting a B. I literally started laughing. That's bad! Reminded about what one of my Doctors stated in our introductory course into my Doctoral Program….translated so she would understand it…. I stated the following as captured by her...

I think she got the point!

What drives us all to think this way? Push some of us to place societal norms over good character?

Maybe it’s the NFL combine syndrome. We place all these exceptional athletes on a super stage and expect every single one of them to be better than the next. We give them all scores based on how fast they can run, how strong they are, and how high they can jump. We turn them into quantifiable numbers so we can grade them. Then on an even bigger stage teams declare a draft and select the best. As a society we then believe that everything we do can be graded in this manner and end up forgetting about character and GRIT. We just want the bEST even if it means we sacrifice in other areas.

I believe it is because we live in an ..EST mindset society. Craig Groeschel does a great job explaining this and I’ll do my best to summarize but it makes complete sense. We tend to have the mentality that we want to be the greatEST in whatever it is we do...the fastEST in any race...the tallEST in the class or on the team...the strongEST in the gym...have all the newEST gadgets....be the smartEST to earn scholarships or have bragging rights with class rankings. The thing is we will never be our bEST if we stay focused on our own EST. To become our bEST we have to help bring out the bEST in others. We must be able to identify the who or what that defines our life. Because until then life will be a lot like being stuck in a roundabout.

Just like those roundabouts. To navigate them safely you have to watch out for others. Sometimes you are yielding to those in the roundabout so they can be on their way. Sometimes you are letting others in so they can get through. Don’t get caught admiring the other lanes. Even though it may be moving faster than yours you know the second you switch lanes it will start moving. Then because you we so worried about what others were doing you get stuck in the center only to go full circle again. Stay in your lane and learn to navigate it to your absolute bEST. Don’t get caught having EST envy. You are in your lane for a reason!

Just a thought....

#HappyToHelp

John

Let me know what you think and share your thoughts in the comments! Look forward to see what you have to say.

Change: Handling the disruptions of everyday life!

It's funny how we tend to view change as an event. It's as if we draw a line in the sand and think that one event is what changes our life. We think that change is something that happens to us. The reality is that change is a process. It's how we respond to an event in our lives. Think about it, change tends to be reactionary. It's something we do because we have learned from an experience that has caused a shift in our reality. We realize that if we keep going down the same path NOTHING will happen. NOTHING can be scary for some and for others they embrace the STATUS QUO. NOTHING comes without cost or energy use. That makes it easy to fall victim to conformity.  CHANGE has a price. CHANGE makes you take a step into the unknown. CHANGE alters you so that once you go through it you become different because of it.

A big CHANGE in my current life is the addition of a newborn. We now have four kids under the age of 12 in our house and my wife and I must play zone defense. We are outnumbered. For most have 9 months to prepare for a baby we had 24 hours to prepare for Baby Boy. His entrance into this world is a miracle. What he went through was a battle for his life and he made it! Opening up our home to him was a given as we had adopted His 2yr old sister 6 months prior. This was a welcome CHANGE and for us handling it was a battle but one we openly accepted as a family. We had to change our approach to daily life. At times the most consistent part of our life is inconsistency.  

What do we do when CHANGE is needed? How does one go through the process without trying to resist AND detest it? One method I like to use and learned from my coursework was the CREATER MODEL. Yes….I actually learned from my classes. Thank you Morehead State EDD! I firmly believe this can be implemented in both professional and personal aspects of life.

Step 1:CARE- To go through change one must have an attitude of CARE. You develop a sense of concern and recognize a need to shift directions. Be intentional thoughts and feelings as you begin the process. If it's not in you it can't happen through you.

Step 2: RELATE- This is all about building relationships with all those involved. CHANGE does not happen in isolation. It has a ripple effect in both good or bad ways. It can spill over and impact the lives of those around you….your family….your team. Build relationships that matter. Especially with those that the change will impact the most.

Step 3: EXAMINE- Now we are getting down to the nitty gritty of CHANGE. The need has been identified for CHANGE to occur.  You must examine the needs and problems that are causing the CHANGE.  Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Understand that obstacles will arise but they are not meant to stop you.  Embrace them and learn from them.  

Step 4: ACQUIRE- CHANGE means developing new skills. What new skills or knowledge will you need to implement in your life to allow the change to happen? If you stay the same you will remain the same.

Step 5: TRY- maybe you don't like that word. Maybe to you it's either you do or don't. I like to think of Not Yet.  Implement the CHANGE and see what happens. It will take time and you will need to adjust along the way. Be adaptable and TRY it out. Remember there is not one right way and you may need to have multiple avenues to implement your change. It begins with one step!

Step 6:EXTEND- Don't be selfish. Take what you have learned along the way and share.  Seek others that may be in your place and help them out. Your CHANGE should now become an extension of you and part of your story. Life is about IMPACT. There is no better way to make an IMPACT than for others to see how CHANGE has been lived out in your own life. Teach them to TRUST the process.

Step 7: RENEW- Don’t think of this as a finalization process. It never really ends. At anytime you should be constantly questioning the process and it's ok to start fresh. Renew the process when you feel you need to. Renew your hope in yourself.  CHANGE should be a renewing process. It should add value...refresh...and strengthen!

Your turn to share….. What are your thoughts on CHANGE? What CHANGES have impacted your life the most and how did you respond?

#HappyToHelp

John

For more in for check out:

Fullan, M. (2007). The new meaning of educational change. New York: Teachers College Press.